After chasing three times, we have a post mortem appointment. The 8-10 weeks “on the safe side” estimate has ended up being an 11 week appointment, but I’ll overlook that.

I’ve been focusing on just getting the appointment so much, that now we have it, it’s time to get my head around actually walking back through those doors and sitting down opposite our Consultant and discussing it all. Scary doesn’t even cut it. I just keep reminding myself that I’ve been through scarier moments in that hospital.

I’m also a little miffed as to why they feel it’s helpful to hold the meeting in the Women’s Centre, and to expect us to walk back into outpatients with ease. If someone dares to suggest I sit in the waiting area…

I’ve mulled questions over in my head for weeks now from the absolute silliest to the hardest ones to say without crying. We need to sit down and make a comprehensive list which will most likely have headings and sub-headings and all sorts… Before, during, after.

I Google’d (I know, I know, never a good thing) “preparing for a baby’s post mortem appointment” and I just got mugged off:

Thanks for your help Google, but no, I did not mean that. Even Google thinks this situation is ridiculous.

I’m also going to have to prepare myself to see our Consultant again. That in itself is enough to raise my blood pressure. We haven’t heard a thing from her since our appointment two days prior to Leo’s death. She is also our fertility doctor – she actually did my egg collection on Leo’s IVF cycle. I’m not a fan of hers anymore. She also isn’t the best communicator. Doesn’t finish her sentences. Is very rapid. Gives minimal information. You have to concentrate. I’ve known this woman for over a year and have had about 6-7 appointments with her, so I have got used to it. But quite frankly, I’d rather have someone who is a clear, concise and patient communicator for this appointment…

Anyway, I’ve digressed and I was attempting to keep this brief.

I was hoping to canvas opinion and the benefit of hindsight. 

What did you ask? 

What do you wish you asked?

How did you prepare yourself?

What would you do differently?

Any other random tips.

My Google effort – granted I couldn’t handle going through too many pages as most was information on the actual examination itself – mainly provided an old, although somewhat useful, Netmums thread on the subject.

I also thought that it may come in useful to put all the hints, ideas and tips together into a post for other people’s reference? 

Please do comment if you want to – it would be really appreciated.  

8 thoughts on “Finally! An Appointment.

    1. Thank you, seems to be quite a varied picture to some extent in the process but the UK seems somewhat consistent – there’s a first! I’ll try get everyone’s suggestions together and hopefully it’ll be useful once you hear of yours. I chased, three times – I’m not sure it would have come through otherwise just yet. That was a recommendation from someone else’s blog. I hope you are well xx


    1. Thank you for commenting, really appreciated. It seems to be very varied at which point people get access to the report. I’m not sure we’ll get the opportunity to read before but I will reread it afterwards and I know we can put forward more queries. It’s useful to have time to digest isn’t it? Many thanks again.


    2. I think it would have helped for us to be able to read it as well. I had researched a lot going into the meeting but still found myself full of questions once I got home.


      1. I have to say, that even though I did read the report and took my time to be as methodical as possible, I still had questions popping into my mind days, weeks and months later. I think the whys will always plague me.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Hmmmm… I feel like my OB went over everything in so much detail that I didn’t have too many questions. We definitely stopped her anytime we had a question though – don’t be shy. There’s so much medical terminology in the report that it’s often difficult to comprehend without assistance, so it’s good you have this appointment.

    If they brush over the cord and placenta findings, I’d definitely specifically ask them to address all those, grill them if you have to. I have a friend who’s 12 weeks pregnant with her rainbow, and it’s only now she’s finding out her son’s placenta was small and carried an infection. I guess her doctor found it okay to not disclose this to her – like WTF?!?

    Geez – eff you Google. Also, your Consultant – I can’t believe she hasn’t followed up with you since losing Leo. Well, actually I can believe it, because my MFM doc never followed up with us after Matthew died. He never offered condolences or anything… I promptly decided I’d never be seeing him again.

    Thinking of you as you head into this appointment.


    1. Thank you Christine – I’m determined to get as much as possible out of this stage to make sure we as informed as possible. That’s concerning to hear about your friend and them not disclosing such important issues like that, and to discover it at this point isn’t settling… I will be pushing on the placental details as I’m led to believe this is a factor and a missed issues from their part, but we shall see what their take is on it all. I’ve been quite shocked that they haven’t been in contact, a letter would suffice. Just to break the ice before the appt if nothing else! I’m not too keen on seeing her in the future, and will attempt to avoid her where possible at the fertility clinic too – but doubt it’ll be easy. There isn’t a great deal of choice with these things unfortunately. Thank you for commenting, really helpful.

      Liked by 1 person

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