I would describe being a same sex couple experiencing baby loss as being in a small pond, within a small pond. Whilst neither pond is actually that small once you start swimming around in it – you have to search far and wide to find others likes yourself.
Charities and organisations are inclusive in recognising that same sex couples are also affected by baby loss, yet often there is only one or two examples of families that have been affected. Whilst this is brilliant, there are so many variables in each story that mean it can be tricky to find another experience that echos yours. And similarities, whatever they are, help us to feel less alone.
Families from around the world have shared their stories with me, and I couldn’t be more humbled. The #LGBTBabyLoss blog series shares experiences of early miscarriage, recurrent loss, stillbirth, neonatal death, prematurity, preeclampsia, and twin loss. I hope, if you need it, you find something here that makes you feel less alone.
By creating the #LGBTBabyLoss blog series and section on my website, I aim to present a diverse collection of stories about loss and life after loss that enable other LGBT families experiencing baby loss to feel less alone. And with this, I aim to give a voice to both parents, as, in the case of two mothers, it is often the parent who doesn’t carry their child who can feel even more alone. Sadly, they are too often shoehorned into the ‘fathers perspective’ (a lesser heard voice also), yet this is most likely an uncomfortable fit – they are not fathers, after all.
STORIES OF LOVE AND LOSS
I CAN CARRY YOU | “If Jess had asked me to do the next cycle after Leo, I would have. But I know that she needed to do that herself.”
THEY MATTER, YOU MATTER | “People like to say‘you can just try again’ but for us LGBT families it isn’t that simple”
OUR GOLDEN LIGHT | “At 39 weeks and 1 day, our beautiful Luca D’oro was born. And everything turned horribly wrong.”
THINGS I GOOGLED | “I desperately wanted to know that there were people LIKE US who had been through something similar.”
CREATING A DASH | “At 1pm we said our goodbyes in person. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.”
A TOWER BLOCK OF GUILT | “I feel guilty for not crying. I feel guilty for crying.”
A MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING | “We have faith. When the time is right we believe we will be blessed with our rainbow baby.”
LIFE AFTER LOSS | “Life after loss is not about living in the past, it’s about honoring, moving forward and keeping those moments alive.”
A MISSION OF MINE | “I spoke with the donor and he told me to try one last time. I HAD to, because he had hope. Hope that I couldn’t see, but I believed him.”
THE MOST IMPORTANT MESSAGE | “We dreamed and we talked and we wondered out loud who you would be.”
AND I HELD HER HAND | “The three of us share a hospital bed until we run out of time”
LGBT Baby Loss Blog Series has also appeared in the below places
(click on the image to read the articles)