I would describe being a same sex couple experiencing baby loss as being in a small pond, within a small pond. Whilst neither pond is actually that small once you start swimming around in it – you have to search far and wide to find others likes yourself.
As a mum in a two-mum family who experienced the stillbirth of her son, I quickly realised that there is less representation in the stories told from the LGBT+ community. This page helps to change that, with stories shared with me personally, and with others that I have found from across the world and the spectrum of loss and identity.
If you notice anything missing, or would like to include your story here – please get in contact. You can also use the #LGBTBabyLoss hashtag online, or join my LGBT Bereaved Parents Facebook group to connect.
There is as much
#LGBTBabyLoss
diversity in death,
as there is in life.
STORIES OF LOVE AND LOSS, as part of the original #LGBTBabyLoss series
I CAN CARRY YOU | “If Jess had asked me to do the next cycle after Leo, I would have. But I know that she needed to do that herself.”
THEY MATTER, YOU MATTER | “People like to say ‘you can just try again’ but for us LGBT families it isn’t that simple”
OUR GOLDEN LIGHT | “At 39 weeks and 1 day, our beautiful Luca D’oro was born. And everything turned horribly wrong.”
THINGS I GOOGLED | “I desperately wanted to know that there were people LIKE US who had been through something similar.”
CREATING A DASH | “At 1pm we said our goodbyes in person. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.”
A TOWER BLOCK OF GUILT | “I feel guilty for not crying. I feel guilty for crying.”
A MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING | “We have faith. When the time is right we believe we will be blessed with our rainbow baby.”
LIFE AFTER LOSS | “Life after loss is not about living in the past, it’s about honoring, moving forward and keeping those moments alive.”
A MISSION OF MINE | “I spoke with the donor and he told me to try one last time. I HAD to, because he had hope. Hope that I couldn’t see, but I believed him.”
THE MOST IMPORTANT MESSAGE | “We dreamed and we talked and we wondered out loud who you would be.”
AND I HELD HER HAND | “The three of us share a hospital bed until we run out of time”
A MOTHER LOOSING HER SOON | “I was a mother losing her son yet I didn’t look like it because he wasn’t in my body”
Should you wish to share your story as part of this series, please just email me.
STORIES FROM ELSEWHERE
Two mum families
Blogs
MummyPlusMama – sharing their story of IVF, loss and pregnancy after loss. Their story has been shared in this article and featured in the Australian documentary, Misunderstanding of Miscarriage
Two Moms Make A Right – We’re just two moms sharing our TTC, IVF, FET, multiple-miscarriages journey to motherhood with the world. Moms to 5 babies who didn’t make it earthside, one fabulous girl who did in 2016, and our second daughter end of 2019.
Marjanna Barber-Dubois‘s Pregnancy After Loss Bump Day Blog series shared by Pregnancy after Loss Support
Alli Baker’s story of pregnancy after loss, which sadly ended in termination for medical reasons shared by Pregnancy after Loss Support
Stories
Natalie & Sarah’s story via Tommys, the Baby Charity – After their marriage in 2015, the couple began IVF. In their journey to become a family of 4, they sadly experienced miscarriage, failed transfers and losing one of their twin babies at 13 weeks.
Laura & Hannah‘s story, including missed miscarriage shared via Tommys, the Baby Charity
Anna & Murielle‘s story via Tommy’s, the Baby Charity – Anna and Murielle had 4 heartbreaking losses in their journey to start a family. After losing her twin at 8.5 weeks, they welcomed their daughter Élise in 2022.
Jessie & Millie’s story of miscarriage, shared on their own blog
Megan’s story, as shared via LGBT Mummies
Patty’s story, as shared via LGBT Mummies. Also blogging at Patty Sneddon.
Aimee & Rebekah’s story of the stillbirth of their son, shared by Held In Our Hearts
Maisie and Becca’s story, via Tommys, the Baby Charity – 27-year-old Maisie is an artist and customer service expert who lives in Manchester with her wife, their rainbow baby and 2 cats. They always knew they wanted children, but Maisie’s wife Becca is transgender (mtf) and on the NHS waiting list for hormone treatment, so the couple were worried about having a time limit to try to get pregnant biologically. This is Maisie’s story. Maisie and Becca’s story is also featured on the BBC podcast When Are You Having Kids?
Podcasts, videos and vlogs
Chey & Abbey’s story from the Sands Voices of Baby Loss podcast
Sara and Hilary’s story involving stillbirth shared on the The Queer Family Podcast
‘Losing our Baby’ – a vlog from ‘Rose & Rosie’ sharing their experience of miscarriage
Amy and Rachel’s story on the Time to Talk TFMR podcast
Mel’s story, shared via Miscarriage Association
Two dad families
Two Dads One Baby – Leigh, Justin and their baby Owen
Michael and Daniel’s story – a two-dad family and their experience of pregnancy loss with a surrogate
Trans experiences
Confronting the ‘failure’ of miscarriage as a Trans Man – Freddy McConnell’s experiences after experiencing a miscarriage following IVF
Trans Dads to Our Rainbow – two trans dads sharing their pregnancy and parenting after loosing their son
Thoughts on a Life Upended – widowed and bereaved trans Dad, Trent
Suffolk Dad – a parenting blog from Kaiden, including his experiences of miscarrying as a birth father
Maisie and Becca’s story, via Tommys, the Baby Charity – 27-year-old Maisie is an artist and customer service expert who lives in Manchester with her wife, their rainbow baby and 2 cats. They always knew they wanted children, but Maisie’s wife Becca is transgender (mtf) and on the NHS waiting list for hormone treatment, so the couple were worried about having a time limit to try to get pregnant biologically. This is Maisie’s story. Maisie and Becca’s story is also featured on the BBC podcast When Are You Having Kids?
CHARITY RESOURCES
Booklet from ARC supporting those considering, during or following a termination of pregnancy.
Stories shared with Miscarriage Association from LGBT+ parents
Stories shared with Tommy’s from LGBT+ parents
A range of support resources from Pregnancy After Loss Support
LGBT+ Mini Blog Series from Willow Rainbow Box
OTHER ARTICLES AND RESOURCES
LGBT Mummies share a range of experiences from the community, and will regularly also include stories of loss, including a Instagram support group.
Pink Elephants LGBTIQ+ Miscarriage & Preconception Facebook support group
LGBTQ Pregnancy Loss And Miscarriage Often Means Grieving In The Gaps – an article from HuffPost Canada
When miscarriage happens to LGBTQ2 parents – an article from Jessica Zucker, from #IHadAMiscarriage
LGBT Pregnancy Loss Information Sheet from the Australian Psychological Society
Pregnancy loss: Lesbian and bisexual womens’ experience of loss – from Pink Families
Resources & Support for LGBTQ Parents – from Baby in Heaven
Men, trans/masculine, and non-binary people’s experiences of pregnancy loss: an international qualitative study. Read here.
LGBT Baby Loss Blog Series has also appeared in the below places
(click on the image to read the articles)
The Legacy of Leo 