I was a mother losing her son yet I didn’t look like it because he wasn’t in my body. As much as I wished it was me going through it rather than my wife, I was in awe of her strength at delivering our boy into the world. But we had to go through the usual rigmarole of being asked if I was Holly’s ‘friend’ or ‘sister’ accompanying her to the appointments. It gets so draining always being mis-labelled in these circumstances. How hard is it too have a quick glance at the notes before walking into a room?
In an instant I lose them both
Our sweet, wild boy is gone,
And so is the life in her eyes
Darkness moves in and she turns to gray, shaking stone
I fall to my knees and I hold her hand
We dreamed and we talked and we wondered out loud who you would be, but I knew in my heart that if you were anything like your mom, you would be an amazing human being.
I love my children and my wife with all my heart and couldn't dream of my life being any other way. I will never ever forget the children that I lost, but the journey has made me even more grateful.
We had a different appreciation for what lied ahead and so we tried, even though we were still heartbroken, to enjoy all the little moments.
I was finally feeling what Sophie was feeling. I could understand the level of emotion that was running through her body as I too was now experiencing it.
I feel guilty for not crying. I feel guilty for crying.
The week leading up to October 7th will always be a hard one for me. October 7th will always be a bitter sweet day our family, but it’s Emerson and Harper’s birthday.
Here we are: Two girls who wanted a baby who did all we could, but it wasn’t quite enough for our perfectly imperfect little girl.
I always thought weekend mornings were going to be so full of life and noise. This silence is not what I expected.