As a result of shouting loudly about the need to include LGBT+ families in the discussions around pregnancy, baby and child loss - I’ve had several conversations lately to support charities in making their support materials inclusive. So I thought I’d share what I would recommend... Now, obviously, I am one part of a long … Continue reading Making Baby Loss Support LGBTQ+ inclusive
By sharing our stories we can impact the world is so many ways. We can releasd ourselves of those inner thoughts and give them to the world to hold, so we don’t have to anymore. We can connect with others who get it, and who have shared similar experiences - making us all feel less alone. It can be read by someone too scared to share, but now feeling heard. It can educate and inform those around us to understand the way that we have gone through. It can cause ripple effects by empowering others to share their stories, or do so, vicariously through yours.
The essence of Diversity in Loss is to show variety in people's experiences, with the aim of helping others to relate. One of the aspects that can impact people's abilities to relate is that everyone's experiences will be so varied. It isn't just about being a 'twin pregnancy' and then everything else looking similar. I … Continue reading #DiversityInLoss – Having to talk about my baby dying before he was even born
The reason I started to draw is basically the fact that I couldn’t really talk about my loss. I couldn’t put it in words not even when visiting the psychologist. I was struggling. I was afraid I would be judged. I was afraid of everything and everyone.
Our baby had anencephaly. She wasn’t expected to survive to term or the birth, let alone live outside the womb. We were told our best option was to terminate. I don’t really remember the next few weeks. I know at one point I had agreed to terminate. But by 15 weeks I knew I had to carry our baby to term.
There is no support offered at all to men who have lost a baby. This is ludicrous given men grieve just as much as women do and need support and help coming to terms with it. #DiversityInLoss
Leaving the hospital last time after lots of scans, blood tests, arms full of letters and leaflets I felt the strongest I had felt after any of the other miscarriages, because I knew I had a support network I could turn to.
When your child dies unexpectedly there are a few things that are different, more intrusive and more painful. There are processes that, by law, have to be adhered to following the death of a child in infancy. Processes that aren’t applicable, or even thought about, should your child die before they are born.
Medically I had suffered a second trimester loss, but to me I birthed our sleeping baby boy. I contracted, I felt every pain, my waters broke, the umbilical cord was cut and I delivered a placenta. I held our little boy in my arms, I kissed his little button nose and dressed him in the smallest outfit. It can be very isolating knowing Arlo-Jorg is not acknowledged as a baby because of the gestation he was born.
I think initially I fought a lot with myself and with the people closest to me, but as I’ve begun relaxing, socialising and finding my identity again, I have been able to accept and tolerate my grief, the ways it manifests itself and the ways I express it.