Four and a half years ago, almost. One month shy. Leo was born. Back then, my social media accounts and this blog site were created to provide a space to unload the fast running and overpowering thoughts in my mind. These accounts became a literal lift raft. The chance to write kept me afloat. It … Continue reading The changing times.
By sharing our stories we can impact the world is so many ways. We can releasd ourselves of those inner thoughts and give them to the world to hold, so we don’t have to anymore. We can connect with others who get it, and who have shared similar experiences - making us all feel less alone. It can be read by someone too scared to share, but now feeling heard. It can educate and inform those around us to understand the way that we have gone through. It can cause ripple effects by empowering others to share their stories, or do so, vicariously through yours.
I think overall the shock and disbelief I felt after our first loss has just been compounded with more shock and grief over the years. I still can't believe this is our life, that after four pregnancies our home is still so quiet. That we have two graves to tend to.
The essence of Diversity in Loss is to show variety in people's experiences, with the aim of helping others to relate. One of the aspects that can impact people's abilities to relate is that everyone's experiences will be so varied. It isn't just about being a 'twin pregnancy' and then everything else looking similar. I … Continue reading #DiversityInLoss – Having to talk about my baby dying before he was even born
The reason I started to draw is basically the fact that I couldn’t really talk about my loss. I couldn’t put it in words not even when visiting the psychologist. I was struggling. I was afraid I would be judged. I was afraid of everything and everyone.
Our baby had anencephaly. She wasn’t expected to survive to term or the birth, let alone live outside the womb. We were told our best option was to terminate. I don’t really remember the next few weeks. I know at one point I had agreed to terminate. But by 15 weeks I knew I had to carry our baby to term.
There is no support offered at all to men who have lost a baby. This is ludicrous given men grieve just as much as women do and need support and help coming to terms with it. #DiversityInLoss
What does it mean for your child to be stillborn? It means that you never hear their cry, never see their eyes, never know what it is to feel your child's warmth. Children born at the same time grow up. You only know your child on the first day of his or her life, which is also their last All the other ages, from toddler on, you never get to see.
Having to go back to Obs & Gynae after everything that happened is something I had to do in order to complete that part of my training without having to repeat a whole placement again. I know I had to do it, but there is part of me that will always be filled with resentment that I wasn't offered any other options with regards to returning to work, and that I didn't feel particularly well supported when I did get back to work. Professionals need to be better trained when it comes to baby loss, and to delve deeper even when someone might say "I'm fine".
Leaving the hospital last time after lots of scans, blood tests, arms full of letters and leaflets I felt the strongest I had felt after any of the other miscarriages, because I knew I had a support network I could turn to.