Recently, I've noticed that I'm struggling to process the events surrounding Leo's death, his pregnancy and his birth. Since his second birthday, there are things that I can't seem to look past, and the peace that I had gained about it all, has unravelled. I've noticed how its eating into my own self-esteem and confidence, … Continue reading What Are You Doing Here?
The Internet gives us all a voice. A much louder, more heard voice than what we would have without it. Social media is a fantastic way to spread a message - whatever it is - and connect with people who either are spreading a similar message, or who just blow your mind that they bother … Continue reading #StillATaboo – When You Go On Live TV…
Tomorrow night, I'll be on live television (please do not swear) alongside other families and professionals, discussing attitudes and support following stillbirth. I'm honoured to have been asked whilst at the same time trying to ignore the whole 'live television' aspect of it all. It'll all be alright on the night, right? The programme is particularly … Continue reading Normalising Stillbirth and Challenging Attitudes with Channel 5 News
There are many things that many, many people say to you once your baby has died. I should imagine that they are familiar to many people who walk their days without their child - but also others who have experienced trauma or bereavement, of any kind. "You are so brave" Brave adjective ready to face and … Continue reading “You are So Brave, I Just Don’t Know How You Do It”
Parenting after Loss anxiety, particularly at night, is a topic that has come up a few times lately in messages or on #BabyLossHour and I realised I don’t really talk about my anxiety now, since Eli arrived. The intensity of anxiety in pregnancy has absolutely left, but it's always there as a background beat to … Continue reading Anxiety through the Night when Parenting After Loss
Recently, I spoke at a Pregnancy after Loss Study Day at the Royal Berkshire Hospital, in Reading. This is what I shared with them. Introduction to Leo and Eli I’d like to just set the scene of why I am here today, and introduce you to my first son. I fell pregnant with Leo in … Continue reading The Mindset during Pregnancy After Loss
This time, two years ago, I started my own project of #100DaysOfWellbeing with the aim of doing something every day to care for myself, and heal physically and mentally. It gave me such a good focus to get up and out (or in if needs be) and do something for me, and my recovery after Leo … Continue reading Less Berating, More Celebrating – Changing my Mindset to Self-Care
In an instant I lose them both Our sweet, wild boy is gone, And so is the life in her eyes Darkness moves in and she turns to gray, shaking stone I fall to my knees and I hold her hand
We dreamed and we talked and we wondered out loud who you would be, but I knew in my heart that if you were anything like your mom, you would be an amazing human being.
I love my children and my wife with all my heart and couldn't dream of my life being any other way. I will never ever forget the children that I lost, but the journey has made me even more grateful.