The week leading up to October 7th will always be a hard one for me. October 7th will always be a bitter sweet day our family, but it’s Emerson and Harper’s birthday.
Here we are: Two girls who wanted a baby who did all we could, but it wasn’t quite enough for our perfectly imperfect little girl.
I always thought weekend mornings were going to be so full of life and noise. This silence is not what I expected.
Growing up I was always sure of two things from a young age. One that I was gay, and two that I wanted to be a mum more than anything.
My eyes were opened to the struggle that a fertility cycle could involve. I no longer naïvely thought it would only take one attempt to bring home a baby. And I now knew the devastating truth that a healthy pregnancy did not always end with a baby to keep.
I was never able to write a #ThankYouMidwife post when the campaign first came out. Not because of any ill feeling towards any one person, but just because the images of the campaign didn't sit alongside my images - I couldn't relate. Yet I wrote something the other day for a publication that isn't going … Continue reading #ThankYouMidwife
Overall, I am really proud of us this year. We created memories, we shared the love with others, and we were able to take a whole new loads of Leo photos. All of that means the world to us right now.
Just after New Year, with little fanfare, my Maternity Leave ended, and I became unemployed. I don't really know where the future will take me in terms of working and a career, but for now we will just see what happens. But noticing the date of my contract ending, made me reflect on the relatively … Continue reading What I Learnt from Returning to Work after Stillbirth
The other night, I glanced at Leo's photos in our living room. One of my favourite photos of me holding Leo. It was the day we left. I got dressed that day, and I'm so glad I did. I showered, put actual clothes on, and walked around the bereavement suite, holding my son. We both … Continue reading On the Approach to Two – When Time doesn’t actually Heal
I was going to avoid writing about New Year. I found Christmas unexpectedly difficult. It seemed best to avoid too much New Year reflection. Yet, I'm sat in bed at 8:30pm, reflecting on 2017, and it feels that we at least deserve to recognise our achievements of this year. 14 days in 2016, everything changed … Continue reading 2017, You’ve Made me Proud.