Almost four years ago, we bought an Olympic bib set in a discount sale opposite the Olympic stadium. September 2012. About the same time that we started looking into fertility treatment. A year later, that bib set then haunted me as we went on to "fail" our first, then second, then third cycle of IUI. … Continue reading Why Five?
What does SANDS give us?
June is SANDS Awareness Month. It's like Christmas for the baby loss community online. Just with orange and a bucket load of sadness. It's incredible. It's eye opening. It's comforting. I've been sharing on our Facebook page, the different ways SANDS use all the generous donations to help the baby loss community. It's important for … Continue reading What does SANDS give us?
A Legacy Milestone : Five
Five thousand pounds has now been raised in Leo's name. Five thousand pounds. This was our annual target to hit for Leo's first birthday - in January. Next year. We have only just started fundraising properly this month - with three races, the latest was yesterday. Our friend ran the Edinburgh 5km and raised just … Continue reading A Legacy Milestone : Five
Leo’s Life in One Envelope
So, after requesting back at the start of April - after we got home from our first post mortem appointment - we finally received my medical notes. You literally ask and ask and chase and chase and then pay the £25 cheque (yes, cheque - my cheque book has two cheques used. Leo's headstone and … Continue reading Leo’s Life in One Envelope
5for5 : Month Three
I cannot believe another month has gone. Today, it's four months since we met Leo. Each month feels longer and longer, but when I do these updates, it really does help to remind me what we have achieved, as sometimes it feels like we are making no progress at all. To find out what it … Continue reading 5for5 : Month Three
Saying Goodbye
I've been a bit quiet on the blogging front lately, but have been participating in the #MayWeAllHeal and #CreativelyMe prompts on Instagram which have both been like self-counselling, tapping into to other aspects of this grief journey, but I was keen to share a recent activity. On Saturday, we went to a Saying Goodbye service … Continue reading Saying Goodbye
Kid, You’ll Move Mountains
Leo's life will not read: Leo Phoenix, stillborn, full stop. Normally there's a story after the word born. They were born and became something, they did something - even if it wasn't of note, or worthy, or even legal - it was still something. Leo will not be followed by a full stop. Talking about … Continue reading Kid, You’ll Move Mountains
I Miss All Of The Leo’s
The pain is heavy. It is physical. It is sitting on my chest. The weight of forever taking my breath. I don't just miss my baby boy. This isn't just a pregnancy loss. I miss all of the Leo's. I miss the inconsistent sleeper, the newborn crier, the fussy eater. I miss the cheeky smiler, … Continue reading I Miss All Of The Leo’s
Leo, You Were Simply Too Polite
I think my brain is starting to feel settled with the results from Leo's post mortem. Or at least, from there review of his pregnancy. We had another appointment yesterday with a different doctor, and we gained a lot more detail and information - and quite a different explanation of things. The doctor we saw … Continue reading Leo, You Were Simply Too Polite
The Downward Spiral
After spending the past few weeks somewhat detached and distant from the brutal reality that is loosing our son (hence all the ranting on the blog), I've slipped close enough down the slow decline that I feel now my toes are firmly in the shitty waters. I hate it. I hate how grief takes hold … Continue reading The Downward Spiral
The Legacy of Leo 