Our baby had anencephaly. She wasn’t expected to survive to term or the birth, let alone live outside the womb. We were told our best option was to terminate. I don’t really remember the next few weeks. I know at one point I had agreed to terminate. But by 15 weeks I knew I had to carry our baby to term.
#DiversityInLoss – there is no support offered to men who have lost a baby
There is no support offered at all to men who have lost a baby. This is ludicrous given men grieve just as much as women do and need support and help coming to terms with it. #DiversityInLoss
#DiversityInLoss – lives should end at the end
What does it mean for your child to be stillborn? It means that you never hear their cry, never see their eyes, never know what it is to feel your child's warmth. Children born at the same time grow up. You only know your child on the first day of his or her life, which is also their last All the other ages, from toddler on, you never get to see.
#DiversityInLoss – As a husband, dad and medic that whole situation was frightening
Having to go back to Obs & Gynae after everything that happened is something I had to do in order to complete that part of my training without having to repeat a whole placement again. I know I had to do it, but there is part of me that will always be filled with resentment that I wasn't offered any other options with regards to returning to work, and that I didn't feel particularly well supported when I did get back to work. Professionals need to be better trained when it comes to baby loss, and to delve deeper even when someone might say "I'm fine".
#DiversityInLoss – Every day I struggle with the thought that someone else has a baby and I don’t.
Leaving the hospital last time after lots of scans, blood tests, arms full of letters and leaflets I felt the strongest I had felt after any of the other miscarriages, because I knew I had a support network I could turn to.
#DiversityInLoss – it’s just procedure
When your child dies unexpectedly there are a few things that are different, more intrusive and more painful. There are processes that, by law, have to be adhered to following the death of a child in infancy. Processes that aren’t applicable, or even thought about, should your child die before they are born.
#DiversityInLoss – When amniocentesis causes a miscarriage
Medically I had suffered a second trimester loss, but to me I birthed our sleeping baby boy. I contracted, I felt every pain, my waters broke, the umbilical cord was cut and I delivered a placenta. I held our little boy in my arms, I kissed his little button nose and dressed him in the smallest outfit. It can be very isolating knowing Arlo-Jorg is not acknowledged as a baby because of the gestation he was born.
#DiversityInLoss – Learning to accept and tolerate my grief
I think initially I fought a lot with myself and with the people closest to me, but as I’ve begun relaxing, socialising and finding my identity again, I have been able to accept and tolerate my grief, the ways it manifests itself and the ways I express it.
#DiversityInLoss – Where do you go for support when you don’t quite fit in the baby loss community?
In the weeks and months after both my husband and myself have tried to access support in various guises but unfortunately our situation doesn’t seem to quite fit in. Saul was too old for us to be supported by pregnancy and stillbirth charities
#DiversityInLoss – I was a mother losing her son yet I didn’t look like it because he wasn’t in my body
I was a mother losing her son yet I didn’t look like it because he wasn’t in my body. As much as I wished it was me going through it rather than my wife, I was in awe of her strength at delivering our boy into the world. But we had to go through the usual rigmarole of being asked if I was Holly’s ‘friend’ or ‘sister’ accompanying her to the appointments. It gets so draining always being mis-labelled in these circumstances. How hard is it too have a quick glance at the notes before walking into a room?
The Legacy of Leo 