By sharing our stories we can impact the world is so many ways. We can releasd ourselves of those inner thoughts and give them to the world to hold, so we don’t have to anymore. We can connect with others who get it, and who have shared similar experiences - making us all feel less alone. It can be read by someone too scared to share, but now feeling heard. It can educate and inform those around us to understand the way that we have gone through. It can cause ripple effects by empowering others to share their stories, or do so, vicariously through yours.
The reason I started to draw is basically the fact that I couldn’t really talk about my loss. I couldn’t put it in words not even when visiting the psychologist. I was struggling. I was afraid I would be judged. I was afraid of everything and everyone.
Having to go back to Obs & Gynae after everything that happened is something I had to do in order to complete that part of my training without having to repeat a whole placement again. I know I had to do it, but there is part of me that will always be filled with resentment that I wasn't offered any other options with regards to returning to work, and that I didn't feel particularly well supported when I did get back to work. Professionals need to be better trained when it comes to baby loss, and to delve deeper even when someone might say "I'm fine".
In the weeks and months after both my husband and myself have tried to access support in various guises but unfortunately our situation doesn’t seem to quite fit in. Saul was too old for us to be supported by pregnancy and stillbirth charities
It’s a confusing place to be in the baby loss community, I kind of felt like I didn’t really have a ‘place’ or a right to people’s sympathies. A termination for medical reasons (TFMR) can often be met with judgment, and I almost feel like a fraud when I see people sharing their stories, because they didn’t choose to end their babies life, I did. But I’ve put those feelings on myself - I have been met with nothing but support and love.
The world kept on moving and all I wanted was it to stand still whilst I processed what had just happened. Instead of planning our first family photo shoot, I was planning a funeral.
The language used in the cases of baby loss is even more delicate. Sally knew this and that’s why she didn’t jump in with medical terminology, telling me ‘It feels different from your previous miscarriages, because it’s not a miscarriage. It’s a termination.’ She knew that I was too traumatised and grief stricken to hear this word.
A few weeks ago, I saw a email notification come up and instantly recognised the name - Prof Jacqueline Dunkley-Bent, the Chief Midwifery Officer for NHS England. I'd seen her speak at Better Births in March and knew very much who she was. Needless to stay, I was stopped in my tracks. I'd been invited … Continue reading There is Power in Being Heard – Podcasting with the Chief Midwifery Officer for NHS England
Each story, each experience, each family and each baby is different - and therefore, each deserve to be told, and then, heard. #DiversityInLoss
Recently I hosted a #BabyLossHour with guest, Kate Pinney, a Tommys Midwife and Health Visitor. I invited Kate alone as the Health Visitor voice is one we don't really hear from in regards to baby loss and I wanted to explore that a little more. As always, whenever after care is discussed - it was … Continue reading Aftercare in the Community after the Loss of a Baby : Anecdotes for GPs, Midwives and Health Visitors