So, after requesting back at the start of April - after we got home from our first post mortem appointment - we finally received my medical notes. You literally ask and ask and chase and chase and then pay the £25 cheque (yes, cheque - my cheque book has two cheques used. Leo's headstone and … Continue reading Leo’s Life in One Envelope
5for5 : Month Three
I cannot believe another month has gone. Today, it's four months since we met Leo. Each month feels longer and longer, but when I do these updates, it really does help to remind me what we have achieved, as sometimes it feels like we are making no progress at all. To find out what it … Continue reading 5for5 : Month Three
Grief as a Mental Health Issue?
It's Mental Health Awareness Week and it got me thinking this morning. When I've commented about our recovery being a mental health issue, a few people have commented that it isn't a mental health issue, it's grief, it's different - as if trying to make me feel better because labelling grief as a mental health … Continue reading Grief as a Mental Health Issue?
Saying Goodbye
I've been a bit quiet on the blogging front lately, but have been participating in the #MayWeAllHeal and #CreativelyMe prompts on Instagram which have both been like self-counselling, tapping into to other aspects of this grief journey, but I was keen to share a recent activity. On Saturday, we went to a Saying Goodbye service … Continue reading Saying Goodbye
Unexpected Losses
Is anything expected or unexpected when your baby dies? I started all of this with the mantra of I don't know what's right in this situation, so how can anyone else. I still stand by that. How can anyone know how to approach this? It isn't a module in NCT. No one expects to hold a … Continue reading Unexpected Losses
Kid, You’ll Move Mountains
Leo's life will not read: Leo Phoenix, stillborn, full stop. Normally there's a story after the word born. They were born and became something, they did something - even if it wasn't of note, or worthy, or even legal - it was still something. Leo will not be followed by a full stop. Talking about … Continue reading Kid, You’ll Move Mountains
I Miss All Of The Leo’s
The pain is heavy. It is physical. It is sitting on my chest. The weight of forever taking my breath. I don't just miss my baby boy. This isn't just a pregnancy loss. I miss all of the Leo's. I miss the inconsistent sleeper, the newborn crier, the fussy eater. I miss the cheeky smiler, … Continue reading I Miss All Of The Leo’s
Leo, You Were Simply Too Polite
I think my brain is starting to feel settled with the results from Leo's post mortem. Or at least, from there review of his pregnancy. We had another appointment yesterday with a different doctor, and we gained a lot more detail and information - and quite a different explanation of things. The doctor we saw … Continue reading Leo, You Were Simply Too Polite
5for5 : Month Two
So its another month in to my 5for5 challenge - if this is the first time you are reading anything about it, have a look at my pledge and my month one update - but most importantly, have a read of the challenge website and join in. This month has been quite a big one … Continue reading 5for5 : Month Two
The Downward Spiral
After spending the past few weeks somewhat detached and distant from the brutal reality that is loosing our son (hence all the ranting on the blog), I've slipped close enough down the slow decline that I feel now my toes are firmly in the shitty waters. I hate it. I hate how grief takes hold … Continue reading The Downward Spiral
The Legacy of Leo 