A little while ago, I was interviewed by Sands as part of a new report that they’ve just released exploring the mental health support of parents following bereavement.
They were keen to capture the experiences of LGBTQ+ families, and so I shared my own perspectives and those I’ve heard from the community along the way. They spread the net wider, and actively sought LGBTQ+ voices resulting in 4% of the responses being from the community. I’m delighted by the intentional, overt, active inclusion.
I think there is often a quiet assumption that it is a small group of people; and as such, not on the agenda. Yet it is not small, and it is growing. That said – data leads everything and data is something we do not have.
This report however, provides us data. And I personally find it so powerful; up until now the overt inclusion just has not been there enough.
As an aside, I’m working on something to capture data (it’s slow progress) and in the future the NHS will be better able to record and report on this form of data. But time is needed for it to tell the story.
When I spoke to Sands about my perspective, and our experience I talked about the journey to parenthood – and the impact that plays upon bereavement. Everyone of course has their own journey, full of complexities and challenges. Yet more often than not in the LGBTQ+ community, that journey is messy and full of layers. It’s self-funded fertility treatments, donor conception, legal parenthood discussions, reciprocal IVF, surrogacy, attempting to get pregnant in tandem and/or endlessly bouncing from cycle to cycle. It’s dealing with homophobia, misgendering, assumptions, lack of awareness, being boxed into the ‘and partner’ title, heteronormative systems, grappling with you identify as a parents or dealing with familial dynamics surrounding it all. All whilst and not least, past traumas and challenges with accessing safe healthcare and services interplaying with it all. These challenges exist in conception and during pregnancy; so when you add the trauma and grief of loss to it… It’s messy. And it needs a careful, delicate response to ensure people feel able to access the ongoing care they may need.
Some people will be free and able to access services with no barriers. Others won’t. So we must have options.
This report puts this need out there, on paper, for everyone to see, absorb and reflect on.
The report tells us that the LGBTQ+ community are less likely to get the psychological support that they need.
I hope it’s the beginning of a conversation. The start of further exploration. Because with the greater access to having children as a member of the LGBTQ+ community, the greater amount of loss and need there will be.
The Legacy of Leo 