I think overall the shock and disbelief I felt after our first loss has just been compounded with more shock and grief over the years. I still can't believe this is our life, that after four pregnancies our home is still so quiet. That we have two graves to tend to.
Leaving the hospital last time after lots of scans, blood tests, arms full of letters and leaflets I felt the strongest I had felt after any of the other miscarriages, because I knew I had a support network I could turn to.
I love my children and my wife with all my heart and couldn't dream of my life being any other way. I will never ever forget the children that I lost, but the journey has made me even more grateful.