Earlier in the series, we heard from one of Codename’s mum, here. Now, its time to hear the voice of Mummy G, Codename’s other Mum. This is her piece – A Tower Block of Guilt.

It must have been a hundred stories high. It’s like the tower of song but there’s little artistry and it is barren of beauty.

I feel guilty for not crying.

I feel guilty for crying.

I feel guilty because it wasn’t me who would feel the pain, experience the trauma.

I feel guilty for being relieved it wasn’t me who would feel the pain, experience the trauma.

I feel guilty for being useless.

I feel guilty for not knowing you well enough to know what you needed at every second you needed it.

I feel guilty for eating a sandwich while you vomited.

I feel guilty for feeling overwhelmed and terrified while you were so brave.

I felt guilty for my anger and intolerance.

I feel guilty for not needing the blanket or looking at the photos.

I feel guilty for going back to work.

I feel guilty that you will have to do all this again.

I feel guilty for experiencing this grief differently to you.

I feel guilty for being this self-centred.

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This post is shared as part of the #LGBTBabyLoss Blog Series. To read more, or to submit your own experiences, visit the LGBT Baby Loss Blog Series homepage here

 

#LGBTBABYLOSSstories of love and loss

 

 

 

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